All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They took my balls.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
