the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
