I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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