I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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