what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
