is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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