the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My vagina is officially offended.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
