Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
