so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
