i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
