You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
