I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He better not be in your backpack
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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