Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize