one might say we're banned from that church
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
