I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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