Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize