can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
