Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
