Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
