....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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