I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
