"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize