She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
