im gay
i know
yea but for you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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