I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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