True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
3pm strippers are depressing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
