boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
