i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
