if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
