I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize