areolas are like halos for boobs.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
