Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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