Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize