It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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