____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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