Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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