If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
