My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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