next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
