Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
