my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize