just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
