she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
