There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
