Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
