youre lurking in front of me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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