just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
