I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
