i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
