Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
