Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this beer tastes like vomit already
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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