During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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