why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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