I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
