Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
