I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
