Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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