To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
