Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
