Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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