You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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