I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
