Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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