Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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