I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
