Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize