Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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