Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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