Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
