her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
