atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
