just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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