Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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