Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
