I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
