i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
