"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
