I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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