just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
