Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
