i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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