also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
