I can tuck mytits in my pants
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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