You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
