So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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