if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize