Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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