i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
